Regatta

All beans, no aroma!

2010-01-03T15:43:00.002+05:30

continued from Cigar Lounge...

Soon enough, they had accepted their feelings for each other. But, it took exactly one month after the apple juice incident that they were able to reconcile with it. Sid called her parents and broke the news. Their parents, were obviously not happy!

"Mom, yeah I wanted to tell you something. I like this boy, Kartik. And I will marry him."

"That is a very good news Sid, bete when are we meeting him?"

"You can meet him whenever you are in Mumbai."

"So when are you calling us?"

"You come whenever, I am flying off to NY tomorrow - oh yeah I forgot to tell you - I am going to do a course in film making - I will graduate in two years."

She told Kartik about this even later - 5 hours before the flight.

"Sid, what the hell?"

"Kat, when my course gets over, then we will think what to do next with our relationship"

"Sid! Are you even hearing yourself? For two years what will we do? You could have told me, I could have come along"

"What will you do there dude? And plus you don't like the States"

"But I like you! I will do whatever I do here!"

There was no logical explanation that could convince Kat. But Sid had not left him with any option. She flew off and did not speak to him even once post that. She did not even share her mobile number.

In one month, Kat was able to find a job for himself in NY. And he flew exactly 31 days after she had left, in search of her. In one year, Kat knew it was like finding a needle in the haystack. He was not devastated yet, and was in his make believe world that he will find her.

It was one afternoon, 13 months after he had arrived in NY, that she saw him for the first time. She even shouted his name from behind. But, he was in his own world. He was on beans. And, there was no aroma.

to be continued

Cigar Lounge

2007-08-15T13:10:00.000+05:30

continued from Coffee and Cig

"Kat is that you?" Sid asked in slow voice.

The guy she was looking at was totally wasted. Seemed he hadn't taken a bath nor shaved for months.

"Is that you Kat?", she repeated slightly louder this time.

But he was dazed, confused and totally unable to understand what was being asked. The street where she found him is called the Cigar Lounge. A spoof to the high society restaurant across town, this street houses all the homeless druggies. She had searched for Kat in numerous places in the United States. This is where the young detective brought her to identify Kat.

"He is definitely Mr. Kartik, Miss Siddhi. People here recognized him with the photograph shown. He started living the shelter at the end of the street, they say. But, then as is the tradition he got back to his addiction. You know there are a few people living in the projects who still aren't abused by drugs. But they are also soon to be. But I think he is definitely Kartik. What do you think Siddhi?", Detective Cross asked.

"I know he his Kartik. But I don't know how to react. Be happy that I found him after three years?

After all, it was my mistake to let him go...

As they had said, if you love a person so much, you should let him go, if he loved you back he would come back - otherwise he didn't ever...

to be continued

Coffee and a Cig

2007-05-24T19:45:00.001+05:30

"You want to go for a cup of coffee?" asked Kat.
"Sure, although I want to go for a smoke, I will join you." replied Sid.

They walked on the winding foot path leading to a small open cafe. That was their usual meeting place. While it seemed like they were dating, they weren't. They were what at best two casual friends can become. Kat was as addicted to coffee, as Sid was to fags.

"When are you planning to leave that bad habit?"
"Whenever you leave yours!"

"What? Coffee is nor as addictive and neither as unhealthy as cigarettes."
"OK, whatever, addiction is addiction. You can't leave it one fine day. It takes time. Well can you leave your coffee, well say today?"

"Yes I can. If I believe it is very unhealthy. OK lets do one thing, I wont have coffee today, you don't have your cigs. We will both go and have apple juice then."
"Whatever. We will see."

"No promise me, we will start from today."
"OK OK. Lets go about it today. And the time I catch you having a sip of that caffeine-heavy drink, you will know where the smoke is coming from!"

"Uh waiter, please get us two glasses of fresh Apple juice." "So, hows auntie and uncle?"
"Gosh, tum bhi na roz roz. You ask me the same question everyday. I hardly call them, say once a week."

"Well, you should call them more often then. They are your parents! Anyways, how is your old friend these days? The one who used to call you like five times a day?"
"Well, that friend is no longer in my life. I am damn happy about this fact. And no more questions on this topic."

"OK, well" In the meantime the waiter came and served them two glasses of Apple Juice. "Well this doesn't look fresh. Waiter....... did you bring it out of a can?"
The waiter totally ignored the question and took the glasses away, and quickly brought two new glasses which apparently satisfied Kat.
"Well that's what you call fresh juice!"
"You are too particular! Loosen up!"

"Why should I loosen up? You know what happens when one drinks canned juice?"
"What? One dies? Right" "Ha ha ha, as I said loosen up"

"Ok ok. Anyways, so where were we?"
"In a cafe!"

"Ha ha ha, nice joke really. That is what your idea of loosening up was?" "Ha ha ha."
"Yes. I have another idea."

Sid got up and kissed on Kat's cheeks.

"What are you doing Siddhi. You are a girl."
"Well Kartik, being a boy you should be the one doing this long ago!"

to be continued....

Wounded Soldier

2007-05-23T14:36:00.000+05:30

Silence. That is what it was. The bullet hit my stomach and tore it apart. And I had become silent. I was famous for my very loud war cry, but today a small bullet had silenced me. The purpose of standing in the way of that bullet was unclear to me once it hit me. Why was I prepared to die for my country? If I kill a hundred soldiers behind the enemy line, what would the country give me? Then it came to my mind, satisfaction to have served the nation. But the question arises, what comprises of a nation? Geographical proximity, cultural history or just a sovereign government? Is it a group of people who are governing this country, are the people whom I am really serving. They represent the nation. But do they?

I am about to die and am confused. Am not a tiny bit satisfied with my death. Why should I protect my government when it just comprises of corrupt politicians. What will happen if I don't protect them. There will be another bunch of losers who will govern us. It may become a little worse, but it ain't getting better either right now. My soul cries, my senses die down and I think I have reached death, I think I have finished my journey, I think I will soon fade away in this brightly lit universe.

It must be days after which I would have opened my eyes. Oh dear, so what they said was true. There is indeed life after death, cause last time I checked, I was dying. But then, it wasn't so rosy as I had thought, I was still residing in that dark universe. I was saved by a doctor, to be thrown back into this universe, which I despised greatly now. But it was worse, I was paralysed, and wasn't able to walk. I was thrown out of the army, paralysed, without a job to do, and a meagerly pension to live with.

It would have been better if I would have died, I thought. I was a wounded soldier, the worst form a human being can be in. Then I thought the nation will help me. Obviously, I was willing to die for it. I applied for a bench job at the Army Head Quarters, and was lets say, deemed unqualified. Damn, I never completed my studies, I had always wanted to serve my country. To fight for it. To protect the sovereignity. To do what? To become a wounded soldier.

Shh.......

2007-05-01T12:09:00.000+05:30

Silence. It is sometimes so deafening, sometimes golden. Silence makes me think. It makes me shout at the top of my voice. It makes me tick. I somehow grow in silence. There are so may silent instances that have shrieked and have made me stand up and think.

Yes I was silent. Totally silent - no "Oh!"s or anything when Dhoni got out in India's World Cup match against Sri Lanka. But the "Oh" was so loud that I could hear it in my sleep the day after and many more instances when I saw the Indian team in chronicles.

It was dark and silent when I saw something on TV which I never could have imagined in my lifetime. Yes it was a quiet evening in early September. It was so dark that it blinded my images for days to come, it was so vivid and yet so silent. The aghast faces of people in Manhattan were so silent from inside that they were shouting at the top of their voices.

Then it is a silent refusal to a child beggar. You know that you really want to help this child - but begging won't lead them to anywhere. But the indifference around you shuts you up. You become silent. You refuse the child who is willing to cry for money. Remember when I used to cry for chocolate when I already had had one.

Then it is a silent nod when you stare at the TV and obey to what the politicians say. Last two weeks I had a crash course on politics when I saw a ministry's tyranny. When I thought that I never have voted - I deserve these leaders. People talk of rebellion Rang de Basanti style. But they remain silent. They just nod and accept what leaders say. Because we are used to being told what we should do.

Our heart is always silent. It doesn't speak a thing. It never will until it dies out in pain. Because it knows what it has to do. We all one day become like the heart. Take in the bad blood, do our duty! Silently - that is.

Finally, one dies silently. Everything inside is silent! Our body silences itself. No matter one wants to cry. The body is happy to be silent - this silence is golden!

Chicken or Egg?

2007-04-25T07:42:00.000+05:30

By the time he had taken his bath, he was already running late. He felt a bit hungry at the same time scared of his boss's reaction. These emotions made him see his boss in the shape of a chicken sitting on those eggs.

"I'm not chicken! I would first satisfy my hunger by having eggs!" he thought. And he started to break the the first egg in a bowl.

"Don't break it." It was the voice of his boss.

"Excuse me sir? Where are you speaking from?" he enquired, out of surprise.

"From inside the egg, you fool! You lack such common sense, who hired you?" the voice replied.

"Uhhh, sir you only did."

"Shut up, that is anyways besides the point now. Now, obey me."

"With all due respect sir, I am bit more than hungry and I think you would have heard that one should have breakfast like a king! I am just having two eggs!"

Suddenly the voice died. There was no more a response from the egg or anywhere else. He thought he had won the verbal duel. But he was ignorant that the battle might be over, but the war was still going on.

He decided to break the egg's shell this time. As he was about to hit it, the phone rang.

"Hello!"

"Hi. This is an Automatic Reminder System. Your status meeting is in thirty minutes. Ting Tong."

He was relieved, he could make fried eggs and reach office in half an hour. "That can be done!" he said aloud.

So once again, began the journey of the knife, expecting to break the shell. Before anything could happen another voice spoke.

"Will I be able to accomplish my goal in the near future?"

"I'm sorry. Uhhhh who is this now?" he irritatedly enquired.

"The knife you fool! I am the knife. See, ever since you woke me from my sleep, I knew my destiny. My ultimate goal! That being a soft landing on the shell of an egg, hard enough to crack it. It is a law of nature - to achieve your goal, one should see it from close by. As I always start by seeing the egg's shell just under me. Then go as far as possible - only to return stronger and more willing to achieve the goal. The same way I also did. But I am still to achieve it. You always stop me before I get to land. So please, I have gone through this natural cycle again and again, only to be stopped by your unnatural force."

"If you would stop preaching, I will be able to fulfil both our goals. I swear to god this time around I will break the damn egg."

There began another journey of the knife to fulfil its goal. Trrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

Not again!!!, he thought. The phone was ringing, and in a tussle between a shrieking phone call and the breaking of the egg, the phone call always wins.

"Hello!" he said exasperatedly.

"Man, the cable isn't coming since an hour. When will it come?"

"The cable? Uh what? I think you've got..."

"We pay freaking four hundred bucks for your crappy service, and when I want to see the freaking rerun of KSBKBT - as yesterday the world cup didn't let me see it - I freaking see a blank screen!!!"

"Ma'am, calm down. I am not the cable operator - you've got the wrong number!"

"Oh just shut up you. Will you! I know all you liars. Now you say wrong number. And when you guys freaking call me and ask me when you should come to collect the bill then it is the right number. You creatures! I will complain with the police!"

"Go ahead!"

"What? You aren't scared of the police?"

"Ma'am for the last time. I don't care if your cable isn't coming. But you go ahead and do what you want to. And don't call back." Click.

So where was I.... he wondered.

He had a knife in his hand and he couldn't recollect what it was for. And when he reached the kitchen he saw there were two broken eggs lying on the floor.

Then he realized. "Good god! They broke" he shouted at the top of the voice.

Squeak Squeak.

He turned back, astonished! There were two chickens who had come out of the eggs.

Trrrrrrrrring. The phone ran again.

He picked up the phone and said a very weak hello.

"Squeak squeak" the other side responded.

"Excuse me what are you saying? Why are you making chicken sounds?"

"Dear, since when did you started considering your girlfriend a chicken?"....

Existence - The Why

2007-03-02T13:04:00.000+05:30

In the conscious world, one hardly questions existence. The abundance of entities that we could associate with existence often blindside our ability to raise this question. But this question surely pops in the surreal world. The question is how often do we really react to it or even think about it for a minuscule amount of time.

Why do we exist?

We exist as we are not challenged by a force to not to exist. That is probably the most logical conclusion to the question. But it could also be true that there is a force which enhances our chances of existence. Let us consider both cases and analyze them as logically as we can.

Suppose we go with the first theory. There are many positive reasons which we can make us believe that the theory is consistent. For instance, an average person would not benefit much by ceasing another person's existence. Contrarily, a person might benefit in such a case but then doesn't act on this because one fear's their own existence might get terminated. So therefore we can put it this way - the force which doesn't let existence cease is existence itself. Hence, we conclude that existence is self-sustaining. Therefore the gestation of any existence ensures that its initial force wouldn't let it terminate. The first theory can be substantiated by translating it into the force which brought about existence changes its function later to not let it cease. But all the time in this analysis, we looked at the macro picture. There are some assumptions which we had made. The first being, we assumed that the existence is infinite. That is there is no constraint which doesn't let it grow. Because at a certain micro level, there will be one or more forms of forces which maintain existence that they will compete with each other. So with this light, we can say that the initial gestation force sustains the individual existence. But the sum of all forces lead to maintenance.

Now let us think about the other theory. This theory says that there is a force which enhances existence in all forms. This is different from the earlier theory in the way that the first theory's force supports maintenance while in this case, enhancement. If we analyze this, an existence will always try and improve its chance. It leads us to think that this force will ideally converge to our earlier theory. Because chances of existence cannot be measured per say, maintenance and enhancement of sustenance is one and the same thing.

Hence we can finally define the force which gestates, sustains, but it can be in any measure of probability that the existence can be sustained. Also, amongst all forces, they hinder each other's probability, but the expectation of all probabilities is positive existence.

What is the probability of existence then?

Silent Lyrics

2007-02-24T22:30:00.000+05:30

Your picture hangs in my memory
Your smile etched in my mind
Your voice is in my melody
Your eyes makes me go wild

Loving you is like being in a nursery
Full of naughty little children
Playing with toys and teddies and being merry
And games they play which they always win

I write this short verse
To dedicate our love
And let it be better or worse,
There'll be no end to my love.

Hindalco's acquisition of Novelis

2007-02-24T18:11:00.000+05:30

The Money Trail

Payoff : $ 6 billion for $ 8.5 billion revenue (2005) and $ 2.4 billion debts, $ 170 million (3Q2006) loss company.
Offer : $ 44.93/share against $ 38.54 traded at NYSE. (17% premium)

Fund distribution:
Debt : $ 2.4 billion
$ 450 million - Hindalco
$ 300 million - SL Iron Ore Mining

SPVs (Special Purpose Vehicles)
AV Metals, Canada - Recourse Finance
Another - Non - recourse Finance

Fund Raisers:
ABN Amro Bank, UBS and Bank of America

Legal advisor:
Torys of Canada.

Financial Advisor for Novelis:
Morgan Stanley.

Prjoected Turnover for Hindalco : $11.8 Billion (2007-2008)

Birla's Sun rises, Hindalco Humongous - Globally

AV Birla at the threshold of the Fortune 500 list three years ahead of target. (DNA Money, July 2005)
Hindalco Rank 5 as an integrated Aluminium unit.
Hindalco Rank 1 in flat rolled aluminium maker.
Double's Hindalco's turnover.
20% of workforce outside India for Hindalco.
Birla group reaches 1 Lack after 12,500 employees come in.

Aluminium Affair

Novelis - Bauxite reserves aren't there, therefore forcing it to buy Alumina from spot markets.
High end technology ( cans, car sheets ) will be available to Hindalco.
Downstream company (Novelis) allows Hindalco (lowest cost aluminium producer) to be resistant against price fluctuations.
Flat rolled products - 19% share, FRP = 40% of Aluminium market.

The Experience of expansion

In 2003, Hindalco became a majority stake holder in Utkal Alumina, its joint venture with Alcan to develop alumina mines. In 2006, the company acquired the rolling mill (30,000 tpa) and wire rod facilities (14,400 tonnes) of Pennar Aluminium, from the Asset Reconstruction Company.

Seal the Deal

Architects: Debu Bhattacharya (Head, Reatail Ventures, ex-CFO, group)
Sunirmal Talukdar (CFO, Hindalco)
Muthu Kumar, Sashi Maudgal, Sachin Satporte, S Roy, KG Lokve and A Mathew.

The old horses: The old organization stays, it rooted for Hindalco against others competitors.
Final Stamping: 66.66% shareholders(widely held by hedge funds and banks) should accept, others will be squeezed out.

Novelis Negotiates

Novelis is the world's largest flat-rolled aluminium products company. It has clients like coke and Jaguar(car sheets). Holding 19% of market-share, the $8.5 billion company ran out of steam probably due to the fixed-rate contracts (going up to 2011). It recorded losses in tune to $170 million in the 3Q of 2006(calendar year). Also, the debts of the company had risen to $2.5 billion. Therefore it needed a holder which could compensate for the debts. The company respected the Indian companies and the employees rooted for Hindalco amongst other sealed bids received.

Road Ahead

Firstly, the shareholders' approval.
The debt ratio of Birla group will rise from 0.2-0.3 to a higher ration.
Increase profitability of Novelis.
Despite the fact that Novelis has fixed - price contracts with companies till 2011.
Ensure that the new holding doesn't hit other greenfield expansions.

My Cold Closing - Concluding Episode

2006-12-08T18:12:00.000+05:30

Everything went well. Yes it did, indeed, as my company finally offered me a transfer. I felt I have learnt many things.

As cold as I can make this story ends here. Yes! The life after this is still uncertain. I do not know what will happen in the future.

Maybe I will come up with another series in the future

Adi

My First Patient - Episode 12

2006-11-28T08:57:00.000+05:30

"You, why are you doing this to me?"

She asked me this question every day. After she was advised bed rest by the doctor, due to the heavy blood loss, I was always with her, nursing her. But she used to feel more and more guilty day by day. I had regarded her awful action as a fit of anger, and I thought this only shows how much she loved me.

The pretty girl who has shot my girlfriend, got nothing out of saving my life. We had hardly known each other for a day, and I explained her my situation, of course after thanking her a million times. So all was well from my side, I had no anger whatsoever.

Lying on the bed, she didn't speak much, just used to ask me if I had seriously forgiven her.

"There is nothing to forgive you for, I know what you did was bad, but it was out of love and anger. I guess I can just take out all your anger and then everything will be back to normal. You are not a criminal for god's sakes!"

We had dissolved the whole issue as we knew a doctor personally, who took control of the entire situation and no crime was reported. This kept her on bed rest at her roomate's place though, and not at the hospital. And I took the responsibility of visiting her as often as I could.

But slowly as she became healthier, she had become more and more quiet. And realizing that the experience was traumatic for her too, I decided to do something which would make her tickle. I wanted some force to just bring back joy to her life. I couldn't see her like this.

"Hey, there's a bad news sweety"

"Oh, don't tell me, I am as it is very miserable."

"I have to tell you. I have been transferred to the UK office."

"Oh, damn, wasn't it enough that I was shot already and now..... Er, what? How the hell is that a bad news." And she burst into a small laughter. I guess she laughed after a week now.

Oh how well I had cured my first patient. I felt elated. But then I realised what I had to do to make her happy. I had to resign from where I was working, as they weren't prepared to transfer me. Therefore, I had applied to all the firms I could think of in the UK. Hopefully, I will get a job there before it is time for us to leave....

My Mauser - Episode 11

2006-11-12T20:35:00.000+05:30

"Come on in." I said as seriously as I could. My strategy was to never let her take control of the conversation.

She followed me inside, where breakfast was already laid.

"Let's talk over breakfast then. Before you say anything, I want to talk about a very serious matter."

Suddenly, I was taken aback when she pulled out a revolver from one of the pockets of the jacket and pointed right at me. As always, my strategies always failed. It seemed that I would no longer be in control of the conversation.

"Don't say a word, just nod," she barked.

I nodded my head and said, "Have you lost your mind?"

She pulled the trigger at the same moment and the bullet missed my temple only by inches I suppose. I knew she was serious.

"Not a word!" was her accompanying statement with the gunshot.

Now I was worried. She had really lost her mind this time, I thought.

"So you want to break-up with me?" I nodded displaying a yes.

"And you know my commitment has never been less for you."

While I started to nod again for yes, she said, "If your answer is yes for this question then you are dead!"

And not realising that truth could be so fatal, I did say yes.

BANG!

Yes a gunshot was heard after I had nodded for a yes. It would have been heard by the neighbours atleast. But, what had to be done was done. I guess it was no one's mistake.

She cried in pain as the bullet had struck her leg. This had saved me from being shot by one of her bullets. I immediately called the police as well as the ambulance. I knew what I had to say to the police as soon as I saw her face in pain. She kept crying in pain. I couldn't see the scene. No more.

It was my Mauser which had saved me today, which was lynig in my drawing room drawer. Yesterday only I had told the girl with whom I had dinner at my appartment that the Mauser existed. And she had saved me in time. Or was it just a great coincidence that I happened to tell her about the gun in time. All's well that ends well I suppose.

My my my - Episode 10

2006-11-12T13:39:00.000+05:30

Voice messages always spelled trouble, that is what she always thought. The first time she listened to a voice message, she got the news of her pet dying, she was in college back then and it is rumoured that she had thrown her cellphone in the river. For the things which she couldn't foresee and manipulate, she often used to act aggresively. The question was, had she foreseen that I would dump her some day? I was wondering where her cellphone would be. But I didn't know that she had not listened to her voice messages.

She said, "Mom I am getting late," when her mother was driving her to the airport.
"Don't be so restless, we still have time!"

She was restless to meet me. After she had gone and checked-in at the airport she saw she had time to kill. In fact an hour before the flight departs. Soon she remembered a task which she hadn't done and that would kill some time. In her mind, she thought she would listen to my voice messages and then call me up. We could talk for hours, and I can surely keep her company for an hour. But she realised that it wouldn't happen, when she finally heard the messages.

"Listen dear, we have to break....."

The next moment the phone was still safe, surprisingly. But I guess the rage took to her mind, instead of it being vented out on the phone. After she had listened to my messages, she sat still. And there was not even an iota of reaction apparent on her face. Had she taken it well?

Maybe, but I guess she was implementing a plan of sorts. She continued to take the flight. And when she reached here, she shocked me.

"Hi honey, I have reached. Why didn't you come to pick me up?"

"Uh-er, did you get my voice messages?"

"What voice messages, I guess my phone is acting up lately. Listen dear, am coming to your place, I hope you've taken an off today. And yes make some breakfast for me."

"Hey listen, but, ok come down!"

Now how would I tell her I want to break - up! I guess it was important for us to meet to explain why I was doing so. So I went ahead preparing a nice breakfast, probably the last meal we would have together.

Maybe I was going to be right about the last meal part, in one way or another. She went from the airport to her old roomate's house instead.

"Rini, you have arranged the gun for me?"

"Yes, I hope you know what you're doing!"

"I do, dear, don't you worry..."

I put the pasta for boiling while she put the bullets in the revolver, I sauteed the vegetables while she wore the gloves and took a taxi to my house.

Ding - dong.

My my my how am I going to tell her that I want to break-up! I was having these thoughts as I went to open the door, while she was thinking:

"My my my, I hope my aim is right...."

My Missed Calls - Episode 9

2006-11-11T04:14:00.000+05:30

She was a control freak. She always liked to think a couple of steps ahead before making any important decision. Never was she surprised by any event. Like the time when she was eight, she was wise enough to know that parents do say no to their children. At that time she requested for an impossible thing, knowing it would be turned down. But then came up with a lesser version, which she really wanted, and she did get it. Manipulation formed the part of her habit. And at the time she had laid eyes on me, she knew I wouldn't look elsewhere for a long time.

She had gone shopping to buy dresses for her forthcoming week with her boyfriend, when the phone rang. As she always said that she never had enough pockets to carry a mobile phone, she often left it at home. So she did this time, thus the person calling had to be satisfied by just leaving a message on the answering machine. When she returned, she enthusiastically started showing her mother her pretty dresses. While they were at the discussion that which colour suited her best, her eyes ran towards the cell phone lieing on the table. And she realised as soon as she saw the missed call, that who had given it.

"Mother, its always when I forget my cell at home, that my friends call up! It's like these gizmos are not made for me!"

After she had forgotten the missed call in the humour, she went inside to take a nice warm bath. And so it happened that I called back to check at the same time if she had gotten my previous message, only to find her answering machine again. I thought she was deliberately not taking my calls at the moment, she needed time to get over this, moreovoer I didn't worry much as I knew she would handle it very maturely. She was always the mature one.

Seeing the second missed call on her cellphone, she thought how much I was missing her. Not realising what was said on the voice messages, she retired early to her bedroom, to take a nice long sleep so that she could catch an early flight to meet her beloved.

It was only a matter of time that she would hear those voice messages, but the point is will she be prepared for this event to occur in her life - the guy who would never have to look away dump her?

My Comfortably Numb Moment - Episode 8

2006-11-08T01:26:00.000+05:30

She made plans to visit me the next week, after which she would leave India. All the times I had with her came back to me, especially the time before she finally went away. Those were the days when I had not known what being in a relationship meant. Those memories were both lively and refreshing and borught an instant smile to my face whenever they came across. For the rest of the week we hardly talked as she became busy in her cousin's wedding ceremony. I, on the other hand, was back to doing my work normally, nor too much and nor less than expected. My friends told me that I should be happy, considering she is alive and life is back to normal. On top of it I was going to have a fantastic week ahead.

I felt I was seeing everything optimistically. Therefore it came to my mind that that maybe this is because I was happy. Work was going at the optimal pace and everything was so smooth. It was a quiet boat ride on a dead river it seemed. It took me a long time to realise it that, I was very artificially happy and was actually comfortably numb.

There were other changes in me, which I found very suprising. For example, I was asked by a girl whom I met at a party the other day if I was single. And I said yes, and I didn't realised what I had said until she called. I picked up the cellphone and said, "Yes dear, will come to pick you up at the airport." Later the girl asked me if it was my sister on the phone and again absent-mindedly I said, "No it was my girlfriend." Surely I ahd to excuse myself and leave the party early. I came home and listened to Pink Floyd for over six hours until I fell asleep.

I wondered what was happening to me, had I become devoid of emotions? Did life suck me off my moods? Or was it just that I was having a long-distance relationship with my sweetheart-cum-girlfriend, who had played a practical joke on me recently and we were having a very formal relationship for many weeks now.

Life is unfair, is what people say. It is sometimes. But one has to understand that a person is either sad because one cannot achieve the happiness or is happy because sadness evades us. At other times when you are not given any reason to be sad, and the reason for you to become happy has altered, no longer giving the same gladness as you desire, you are numb. In my case, I was comfortably numb.

I know what I had to do as soon as I realised it. I called up the last dialled number on my list.
"Listen dear, we have to break-up, I don't think I can continue in this relationship anymore, I know it is really disgracing that I have to do this over the phone, but I had no option. And it is also demeaning that I am doing it over the answering machine, because I want you to get this message as soon as possible so that you could cancel your ticket on time. Take care. Luv...

My Nonplussed Expression - Episode 7

2006-11-03T18:05:00.000+05:30

"Don't tell me! You got to be kidding me!", I said.

"I know it was a bad joke. But she had to do this to make sure," another familiar voice from behind.

Without saying a word, I started off and waived my hand to call a Rickshaw-wallah.

"To the airport"

"Hmm, so dear you are going in the rickshaw. I know you were giving me a mental farewell by doing so." she chuckled.

I turned back and said, "you know me..." It was the first time I saw her after a long time. It made me emotionally charged.

"Anyways, I am happy that you are alive, I forgive you despite your pathetic joke, and I don't know where I was going wrong, but it was difficult for me to maintain this long-distance relationship. I get disturbed sometimes, but if you testing me if I loved you still, here you got your answer. And now, am going back to where I was, I guess you will stay here for a month for your holdiays. Don't call me before a week, I will take time to digest this. Then I will make it upto you. Adios."

I had been strong back there. I knew it. And I started off without listening to her. I felt inside me that I had become mature. The thought process had become above thos petty little issues. I planned to start our relationship from a fresh page, now that we had been tested.

The next week I worked more than I was supposed to. My boss definitely enjoyed it.

"Buddy, I thought we'd get this the next week, but you are my man," announced my boss, "and, I have recommended you for a bonus."

That paid off I guess, in one way or another. Exactly on the seventh day, the Sunday, she called. My cellphone was ringing and I was wondering whether to pick it up or not. But I'd move along and had developed that sense to forget the joke.

I picked up the cell and greeted her with a very cold hello.

"Sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrie" is what I heard from the other side. "You can't be mad at me for more than that dear."

Her sorry was sort of funny and it did bring a smile to my face after a long time.

"Nothing's gonna change my love for you, you.." played in the background.

My Farewell to my Beloved - Episode 6

2006-11-02T21:40:00.000+05:30

I was taken to the hosptial where my wounds were dressed. When I came out of my unconsciousness, I could see Rohit:

"Buddy, tell me one thing are you still in the state of that stupid denial of yours?"

I took time to understand what he was saying and what really had happened.

"Man, can you make arrangements for me, so that I can go to Delhi for the funeral?"

I was kept in the hospital for the weekend, although no major injury was there. It was just Rohit wanting me to stay in bed under supervision. I really slept a lot, maintained my composure, and thought what I was going to say to her parents. They really didn't know how close we were. They probably knew me as a very good friend of hers. Anyways, I wanted to see her once. I had become very mature I thought.

My flight was for Sunday morning, and Rohit had brought my suitcase at the hospital, and I was set to go. I obviously didn't desire anything to eat during the flight and took a taci to her home as soon as I arrived at the airport.

I saw an autorickshaw go by. I remembered the time when we had first went out for a movie. I had taken the same route by an autorickshaw. I had gone to her house and picked her up. While we were in the rickshaw going to the movies, she said,

"There is this guy who proposed to me!"

I rolled my eyes, as if I was not disturbed by that line.

"He wants to go around with me. Its Mahesh, you'd seen him at my birthday party. How do you like him?"

"I don't know, I guess he is ok."

Perhaps she had expected me to become jealous. By that time we were not together, we were on a friendly date. We never talked about this event later. This came out of a corner of my memory, hidden somewhere.

Its like I was rewinding and I guess wanted to end the relationship as I had started it. I was giving her a farewell in my memory. I suddenly told the taxi fellow to stop. I took an autorickshaw instead. Yes, I thought this will be the best way to part from my beloved. I even decided that I will take the autorickshaw back to the airport.

I reached her house and paid off the auto-driver. I stood outside for a moment, staring at the iron gate. Everything looked so silent there. Yes, it was very silent. I wondered if the funeral was supposed to be today or what.

I rang the bell! Goodness gracious, for whole five minutes I stood there and no one answered it. I somehow started to become restless and rang the bell four or five times more. Maybe they had gone to some other relatives house for the ceremony. I knew whom to call - Rohit.

While I was at it, I heard a familiar voice from back.

"Are you looking for someone mister?"

My Denial - Episode 5

2006-11-01T23:28:00.000+05:30

So there I was in a complete state of guilt. Somehow I blamed myself for all this. In the last few weeks we had grown so distant, and here she was missing, maybe dead, I would never be able to tell her how much I cared for her. Perhaps she knew it, but it hardly gave me any satisfaction until and unless I saw her and could be sorry for all the things I had done.

Suddenly, all times when I had wronged in the course of our relationship started coming back to me. This made me more and more restless and incapacitated to make all this right.

While I was at it, my dear friend Rohit called me, who by the way always does at these moments,

"Hey man, you sound like crap! Man don't tell me you blaming yourself for all this, you people were busy in your lives, doesn't make you the terrorist who bombed her building! Man I was telling you, be more mature, its how tough long-distance relationships are."

I hadn't heard a word after he had said crap. I really was feeling that low! When he had finished lecturing me I replied,
"Listen carefully, I'm going to UK tomorrow on whichever flight has a seat for me. You just do me one favour, take care of things at home. You know what I mean, don't you?"

Yes I could trust Rohit, I didn't wait for him to say yes! My next call was to my travel agent who confirmed my UK booking for about half as much as I had earned till now. What the hell, it was worth it.

I called up her university to check on the status.
"I am sorry sir. We found her body, she's been added to the dead persons' list now. We're using our chartered flight to send her body to her family members. Sir.. are you with me sir? Sir you got to be strong sir, don't tell me you fainted again!"

Next morning I called my travel agent to cancel my travel plans and then called up Rohit,

"What?" squealed Rohit.

"Yes man, she's playing a game with me, now she's not dead. Its just a small prank of hers. She wants to test me."

"Get a grip man, you have lost it. Listen, don't go to the office, stay at home I will come as soon as possible!"

"Yeah yeah buddy you are in it too? In her small little prank. Well its been too much now!"

I laughed at their joke. And thought that I would get angry for playing such a bad joke. Anyways I picked up my car keys and off I started out to the office.

So there I was in a complete state of denial now.

Suddenly...

BUMP! I don't' remember if it was a truck or a bus, but it was a heavy vehicle which hit my car!
This time I had no choice but to become unconscious....

My Dream, a bad One - Episode 4

2006-10-12T00:39:00.000+05:30

I lay awake in my bed one Sunday afternoon. I kept on having recurring thoughts of her. I guess I was missing her very badly. But was I acting to immaturely always wanting to talk with her? Always wanting her! I know I cannot meet her for a year now, I even don't know if I will be with her forever, but the attachment with her has become so strong that I it hurts now.

While I was at this thought, instances from my past came alive. I remembered the time I first fell in love. Yes that was the time when I first lost my love. And therefore I guess I become restless in relationships.

While I was at it, someone called me up....

I didn't know but had I slept off? What happened? I wasn't sure what happened after the call was coming. I went to have some cold water and returned to check my cellphone. I found there was a call for me from London. Had she called? Then why did I faint?

My friend Rohit called me up then,

"Hey dude, there was a bomb explosion at Oxford University, did you find out if she was allright?"

And then it came to me, the call was from her guide,

"I am sorry to inform you that there was an explosion in the appartments where she was staying, she is missing, you were written as the emergency contact..."

I fainted again!

My Bad after a few Days - Episode 3

2006-10-10T13:24:00.000+05:30

"Hello"

"What, it seemed you'd forgotten me!"

"Relax... How can I? My dear I had to do lots of things to settle down, and moreover it takes 2 days to get the cellphone."

"Anyways you hang up the phone, we can vocie chat on net! Save you a lot of cash no?"

"Ok will do so, but not now after an hour."

Hmmm, so she has called. Why the hell was I thinking that she wouldn't. Anyways as I had a deadline to meet, I got engrossed in my work.

It was only two hours back that I had given my long distance girlfriend time for voice chat, and I had missed it by an hour. Oh man! I tried to log in and found her offline messages that she waited and she waited and then she lost her patience. Oops! My bad!

The next week was busier for me than before. And whenever I had the free time I only called her up, but she never picked up my calls. I was getting restless regarding work as well as her. I could lose my job but not her. One day I suddenly realised that I literally am staying at my office, sleeping, drinking and sometimes even bathing here!

That is the time I realised whenever I had made calls, it was late night for her. But, she could leave messages, she could have called back. But no she didn't. After a week had passed I decided to call her university and could connect to her guide.

"O She's caught the flu I guess, hasn't reported since a week. Her Indian friend is taking care surely.."

"If tomorrow never comes...." shouted Ronan Keating as I had kept down the phone.

That was the day I really cried after many years. I felt what she might have felt the day she was leaving and had cried! I never knew why a person cries, but today it has come to me only to make me realise it seems...

My Night after The Proposal - Episode 2

2006-10-06T14:29:00.000+05:30

"Sorry. I am not prepared for marriage yet! And I guess I should leave now, I have a flight to catch!"

Right. So first when I wasn't ready for it, I proposed, and then I got turned down. And I don't know what kind of relationship I will have with her.

"Aisa to kam hi hota hai woh bhi ho tanhaiiii bhi!"

Yes the song playing in the background did represent my situation right now!

9986195834.....

"Hello, see don't ask again, I will go and finish my studies, will talk on phone and all, and next year we decide!"

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"You stupid. You don't know anything, this is not a breakup. Chal bye for now, take care"

"Do do shaqalein dikhti hai, is behke se aaaine mein, Mere saath chala aaaya hai aapka ek saudaai bhi"

Right now I don't what the song means. Now I really wanted her to say yes for the proposal and then tell her that I am not prepared for it yet. Why didn't it happen like that? And why do I want such a thing. Maybe, it will make me care free that yeah she wont go anywhere leaving me!

But, why do I want to be? Do I not trust her anyways? I do, but you never know what happens. My trust has been broken a number of times now.

And I don't know why I think I should press my blue shirt. Can wear it to work again. It still looks good. Says who that it is dirty!

I don't know when, but I had slept off and woke up due to a call early morning.

"Hi, dear, just wanted to say will miss you!"

Hmmm, gave me a sense of relief.

I was feeling good that atleast she thinks about me... Suddenly another phonecall came....

Her roomate had called up :
"Stupid, did you stop her, told her not to go?"

"No, why would I say that"

"Arrreeee. She cried all night, she said if you once tell her not to go then she will not!"

Uh, clearly I don't understand girls it seems.

My Date with the girl going Far Away - Episode 1

2006-10-06T13:52:00.000+05:30

"Kyu aajkal neend kam khwaaba zyada hai...."

"Why did you pick up the phone so late?"

"Oh my new ringtone is so sexy - you've heard the latest song from Woh Lamhe, that one!"

"You idiot, for that song you will put me on hold!!!"

"Dearie, don't get angry.. let's meet at the Barton Center."

The blue shirt with those self-design checks looks so great. I guess I should wear this one. Ah my new Nokia 3250's voice quality is awesome when I am playing my favoutite songs on it. It is really a great Nokia model, ideal for "Muzik" lovers. Umm which song should I put, let us see..

"Oh its Carnival..."

Umm have listened to this one umpteen times, let's try the woh lamhe one:

"Kal ka fakeer aaj Dil shehzaad hai...."

Great, this will surely refresh me. So where was I, the problem which I am facing right now is that the girl with whom I have been so close for a long long time is now going away. Right she won't be there from tomorrow. Means she will be on the phone, on SMS, on internet and whatever new technologies come up in this world. But not in her physcial presence. Right that is not a big problem right now, as I don't know what I will fill when she is not here. The problem is what and how am I going to say this to her.

One never realises what one might feel later and how to express it. Anyways I will have to iron that pretty shirt before I take off.

Right, now everything is in order! My bike is getting too old now, I guess I should move on to owning a car. But this traffic, god I can't wait so long, should reach before she reaches.

There I see the pretty little coffee shop and thankfully I can't see her. And why is that? I am clearly late by 5 minutes. Right my girlfriend is a time-freak! So where is she today. Of course, she's taking coffee and I just hope she's having cold coffee, it won't hurt me so much! Oh no, it is hot. Run!

"Hey pretty lady, you know a hot coffee when thrown on someone might lead to permanent burn marks!"

"Shut up, I am not angry, let it be, it only shows how much you will miss me when I am gone"

Aaaargh, I cannot express my feelings. What should I tell her now?

"Miss you baby? Why will I do so, you stay in my heart"

Wink wink. Yippie, this dialogue was useful, good I see some romantic movies sometimes!

"Dont try to mollify me with those stupid dialogues of yours. And when will you learn to iron the shirt of yours. And dear you are wearing this shirt for the tenth time I guess! You don't know how to date a girl!"

"Yes I guess I don't because I don't need a girlfriend, I need a wife, will you marry me?"

Whistle whistle, clap clap!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO. What did I just say? Am I allright?

About Me

2006-10-05T04:29:00.001+05:30

A race towards my life to start. A race towards the life to end. I compete in this regatta as a lone boat, you can join the race or forever bury your face!

Do have a dekko:
http://adiregatta.blogspot.com/

-----------------------
My Genre - Human
-----------------------
"Humans are earthbound by nature not by the law of gravity."

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My Religion - A Clandestine Divinity
--------------------------------------------
"In the moist air of July, under the Rainbow cladded sun,
A bohemian soul is dry, abiding no Religion,
The divinity begins to cry, sopping his cremains,
His own creation gone dry, is dampening by ablutions."

-------------------------------------
My Profession - Life Lensman
-------------------------------------
Connoisseur of lifestyles....
Social Engineer....
Manager of thoughts....

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Just when I thought I knew all of Life's answers.........They changed all the questions.
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* SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT *

I would like to thank those of you who have helped me reach the mark of 10,000 scraps. (likes - Sat2o5o, Messi, Crespo, Anu, Aru, Passi, Silpi, Ankur and many others )

Now I guess it is time to relax, take a little break from scrapping....

Reflecting on the time when scraps would pour in -- today I have just reached 10.5k from 10k in a long time -- kaha gaye wo velle din!

Nostalgia

2006-10-03T21:56:00.000+05:30

Bangalore holds for me very refreshing memories of my life. A few months back when I was here, I'd not known that I will be come back and stay here for a longer period. The fact that for a very few days I was here, I'd seen the whole of Bangalore, makes me lazy to go out anywhere these days. Plus, the nostalgia which sets in and reminds me of the person I miss!

The smell of a lovely coffee at Cafe Coffe Day, the late nights at Barista@Barton Center, the fresh sense of youth at the Brigade Road, the shelter from the rain at the Forum Mall and the cool breeze every evening are just some of the things which make me realise that there is something missing in my life.

It had to be, I knew that I had to be far away, but it really hurts when someone's gone and you are left alone at the same place. The things one enjoys here are the things that saddens me sometimes, for all those moments I had enjoyed!

Vitamin "I" - Part Two - Vitamin Deficiency

2006-09-28T12:24:00.000+05:30

"Shekar.... Shekar, can you hear me Shekar..."

"Oh Rajeev, why are you lying down on the bed? What happened to you?"

"Huh! You fool, you are the one lying on the bed, I'm standing! You'd fainted, you know that?"

Shekar fell back to sleep and it was only the next morning he woke up. And Rajeev told him George does make up such stories.

"And what if it was true, what if he was the reason that we were losing so many deals, what if.."

"Shekar, stop blaming others, accept your own responsibilites! Its the company which is responsible, not any tea-wallah George!"

Shekar understood what was said, and after this he really did work hard. Hiss boss never ever complained to him that he wasn't working efficiently or wasn't meeting deadlines! Shekar started to enjoy working here now and surprisingly, the company was back on track, not that Shekar alone was responsible for it, but it made him more confident.

After a few days Rajeev noticed that Shekar had become a workaholic and was becoming very overconfident. Rajeev thought for a few days and he knew what had to be done. He straight away went to George's and he was back in a flash.

A few days later Rajeev and Shekar came down to George's for a smoke!

"Shekar babu, I hope you didn't faint the other day when I'd told you that tale. Don't listen to me so seriously."

"By the way George, who taugh you such good English?"

"Oh, Rajeev sir did! You know it is too tough to teach someone like me English."

"Ah come on, I can teach someone like you in a month! Uh, lets say, I'll teach your brother!"

"That sounds good, I will send him to you house tomorrow then!"

Shekar took it as a challenge and rigrously started teaching George's brother, Albert, spoken English. The last day he asked Albert, "So you can confidently speak in English now no?"

"Yes sir, thanks for what you have done, you are like Rajeev babu, now can also talk like my brother!"

"Ok so tomorrow we'll show your brother how welll you can speak."

The next day Rajeev and Shekar arrived at George's.
"Albert, tell your brother how well you can speak in English."

"Sir, I speak English bestly! See bhaiya, English good mine!"

Shekar again fainted!

end of part two

You are here, so is Loneliness

2006-09-26T01:58:00.000+05:30

Sleep, is such a naughty pet of mine that it plays hide-and-seek all the time. Sleep is ironically a very active puppy.

Anyways forget about him, he is just a dog in this man's world.

The problem right now is that I have to catch a flight tomorrow early morning. And I am scared of Flights. Althouh I feed Flights everyday, he falls under the nasty category, he comes and scratches me! Am really scared of him, I feed him from a distance nowadays!

So what I was saying is that I have to wake up early in the morning and as I can't get to sleep, because I can't get to Sleep, I will either miss my flight or get some sleep only in the flight. Ah did I tell you Sleep and Flights are good friends, the rarest of ther dog-cat friendly combination! So my problem will be when I will be away and there will noone to feed Sleep and Flights.

That is why I have kept a girl. She is responsible for keeping my pets with her for the weekend. But I haven't given her the house keys! She wont be able to feed my pets and sadly I wont pay her for this and she will surely cry in front of me!

Ahhh, dont cry girls please! They always do. Anyways the girl problem is sorted out, I will pay her instead. But what will happen to my pets - ah let me se, right, I will overfeed them, how does that look.

So all the problems are sorted out and am still roaming around like there are still things to do and two hours only for me to go. Ah I am leaving on a jet plane, ah I hope I am and not singing loudly, otherwise Beetle might wake up.

Nah, she is not my pet, she is what you call, yeah she's my wife. And she's bald, and I used to have a beard which I took off out of respect on the day she went totally bald. What a canvas it is, her shiny head - I keep on drawing a girl with hair on it, its fun!

So is my problem now to not let Beetle wake up. She might come and give me a headbutt, ah that Zidane guy really is an idol for all bald people. My wide by the way plays lacrosse, and she represents one of the Canada's funnily named province in it. Forget the name, but how big she has become in size scares me, plus she eats Anything.

Right, I told her Anything Corn Flakes have additives which are harmful. Anyways she will die soon, she smokes 7 packets a day, 7 because at the same time she commits the seven sins mentioned in the Bible.

So now I know that am deep deep down in the scale of down to up for a good life. What should I do? Umm, why not pack my bags, for a change.

"Will you shut up John!"

"Are my thoughts so loud?"

"Nah, you were mumbling what you were saying too!"

"You know why I talk to myself? Because tum bhi ho, tanhai bhi - aisa to kam hi hota hai. But in your case it always happens - you are here, so is loneliness!"

Meine Jo ko nahi Maara

2006-09-26T00:28:00.000+05:30

It is really interesting the way she behaves when she has to say something, half open-mouthed smile appears on her dimpled face and then suddenly you expect her lips to start moving; it would take a few fine fractions of seconds more when her lips would really move. And you cannot believe that that sharp featured girl has a very sober and mellowed down voice. At that moment, her eyes begin to wander and one tends to follow them, and you are suddenly lost - you don't know what to follow, her eyes or her lips.

"Sir, sir, sirrrrrrrr."

"Yes Jyoti..."

That delightful smile again, "Sir, I asked you something..."

I guess I quit the job the very same moment in my mind, and I really did it in the evening. As it I was taking these clases just for some extra cash, but as now I had a big crush on Jo, I had to leave the job. I didn't see her for many days and suddenly a call came on my mobile.

"Hello, I heard you left your job... The new guys really sucks..."

Ah and as on the phone I was able to concentrate on what she was speaking, I could make out that she was interested in me, and soon we were at the coffee shop having coffee....

"Jaaaaanu"

"Joo darling. Hey lets have some coffee first before dinner..."

"Ok, CCD at the corner will do no?"

"Lets go...."...

"Jo, don't worry, you will have a beautiful girl, I will be besides you..."....

"Jo, look where Jigyasa is going, don't let her go out alone..."

The same dimpled smile, the same wandering eyes, made me forget that Jo was not around!

"Papa, mummy is not here!"

"Oh, I almost forgot, anyways Jigyasa come on in, don't wander outside...".....

Next time I uttered the word Jo was when I mistook Jigyasa for Jo. She was a replica and a memento for me. She never let me forget Jo.

"Papppaaa... try and forget mommy, please, I can't see you like this! You have become a hermit!"

"Pappaaaaaaaaaa, do you even listen to what I say?"

"No Jo, your wandering eyes doesn't let me..."

"Papa!!! Don't call me Jo......"

How could I explain it to my daughter what that smile meant to me. How I am still crazy about those eyes. I was and I am in love with Jo....

One day I went to the same old CCD where for the first time we had had coffee. I saw a middle-aged lady sitting in front of me. She looked like an executive of a very big firm. I would have been something like that had I not left my life lose in the memory of Jo. I suddenly thought to walk upto her, from the back she looked very attractive.

"jo............................."

She had many explanations to give, which I didn't want to hear this time.... I took off in a hurry in my car....

"Papa, you look furious, what happened? Oh, don't tell me you saw mommy?"

I just had bought the gun for fun, but today I picked it out from the drawer and in a rush I shot Jigyasa, and suddenly I saw Jo on the door and the second bullet pierced her belly....

Judge had asked me, "Do you want to defend your action of firing bullets at your family members?"

"Meine Jo ko nahi maara. I can still see those wandering eyes...."

The Bewda

2006-09-25T23:43:00.000+05:30

Hungama hai kyu burpaa,
thori si jo pee li hai....

These interesting lines are picked up from a very famour Ghazal by Ghulam Ali. Really, there are some people who drink to make a scene, some make a scene to drink and there are some who make a scene when someone else is drinking. Really drinking is bad.... Or is it?

There are people who detest it, and I agree people can do without having it! But there are people who equally love it, and I still agree they can too do away with drinking it ritually. There is a slight difference in what we know is right and what we do, even knowing it is wrong. And there is a slight difference in what people think is acceptable and what is not. All in all it is really a big jump for someone to drink the spirit, some people consider it a plunge whereas some a high!

I personally have no opinion, factually, I cannot beg to differ that alcohol in very small contents only is not harmful, but still I cannot offer any advice, neither do I mind a bewda nor a teetotaller. But rather I suggest, thori thori peeya karo. And I also suggest, hungama hai kyu burpa, thori si to pee li hai!!!

For me, I believe as long as you have something or someone that can make you high, so be it, but when someone or something makes u a bewda, then hungama to hoga hi!

Flashback Part V - The Finale

2006-09-25T15:22:00.000+05:30

"Hey, he'll come for my treat today! The same place as we discussed in the plan"

"Beep. Message recorded. To replay press 1, to.." CLICK.

She had delivered the message. The three sisters were more than ready for the plan! Her next phone call was to me to confirm the timings of her treat.

Somewhere else another call was made:
"Hey, you confirm the seat bookings with the restaurant manager, your role is verryyyy crucial!"

"I have done it!"

So that is how the plan was made. I had no idea why such an elaborate plan was made for me! What really was the mystery? Why was this plan made? I was sure now that my friend was involved and I was imagining how the girls had proceeded with the plan. But wait a minute, where am I, as far as I remember last I had fainted. And to think of it, I was going to my office, it was a Friday, Thursday I had my previous accident, and it was only Wednesday when my diabolical friend had given her treat! Aah, that means I hadn't lost my mind or...

I had already fainted so many times in the last two days that nothing could shock me more. I was lying on my bed and the Television was on and I had just noticed it. The weather news was coming...

"There is chances of slight rains on Wednesday, thunderstorms expected on Thursday, and heavy rains surely on Friday..."

This time I did faint again!

PS: The complete title of this part was supposed to be "The Finale is it?"

Flashback - Part IV - Normalcy

2006-09-22T12:08:00.000+05:30

Yes everything was back to normal! I wasn't getting any more flashbacks...

The girl who had brought in my highlighter explained how I had fainted while driving my bike and had survived with minor cuts. She was the one who was driving the car who had flashed the light, so she had responsibly taken me to the hospital and had even left me at my home. And I had forgotten all this!

That is how the highlighter, which had fallen off my bag had reacher her. Anyways she confessed that she was unable to talk to me yesterday as I was unconcious, and so had come to ask me how I was feeling. I thanked her for whatever she had done and explained her that it was probably because of lack of sleep since a few days that led to me fainting on the bike.

But I wasn't still sure who my mystery girls were and out of a spontaneous reaction I asked,
"Whose dress is this?"

"Pardon me, its mine!"

"Oh, because I had seen a girl wearing the same dress yesterday, I fainted after seeing her."

"Hmm there are other pieces also of the same dress!"

Anyways, I thanked her once again and started off towards my office....

When I had fainted the previous night, I fell off the bike on the grass on the side. It did hurt a lot at that time, but it wasn't serious. I had seen three girls coming out of the car and I could now see clearly who they were. All the three girls who had worn the blue dress. At that time also they were wearing the same dress!...

And while I was consumed by my thoughts I fainted again on my bike....

Jaggery Tales

2006-09-21T21:35:00.000+05:30

One morning, I suddenly woke up at 5 am. It felt that someone was banging on the door. Very hard. Thak thak thak thak......

I woke up to see the time on my watch. It read 11 am.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaate again!!!"

That is what my inner soul shouted. But I suddenly realised that when someboday was on the door it felt like it was 5 am. Where did I lose my 6 hours? Then I realised I had a taste of jaggery in my mouth. I went to my kitchen and a lively aroma of makke ki roti was present there....

I woke up and glanced at my watch : 5.10 am. Ahhh bad dream, but a tasty one. Then I realised that why am I waking up again and again at such an early time? Yes, the door was still banging, and it was even louder this time. I went up to the door and very politely asked,

"Kaun hai subeh subeh?"

My dear friend from Pakistan had come. His name was Iqbal. I had met him in Canada where we both had worked for in the summers.

"Iqbal bhai, you in India? You never told me, when did you come."

"Actually was here for a conference. And my flight reached Mumbai today morning, and have straight away come to your house. Thought will give u a pleasent surprise."

"Mast kia aapne! So do you wanna rest?"

"No, look I have brought food from my house, lets warm it right away, we dont have time to sleep".

Iqbal was always this energetic! And soon we were habving Makki ki Roti with some jaggery. I suddenly realised that is what I had smelt in the dream. The very same smell of Makki and the taste of jaggery.

"Hey Iqbal, a very strange thing happened this morning. I had this dream that I have just had the very same food we are having right now!

Iqbal bhai, why aren't you listening, Iqbal.. Iqbaaaaaaaal! "

I suddenly woke up and found that it was a dream. And I knew that now I was awake for real because the watch showed a decent time 8.30 AM. But soon I rembered that today Iqbal had to come to visit me.

This makes me remember the lines by Gulzar...

"Subah subah ik khwab ki dastak par darwaza khola, dekha
Sarhad ke us paar se kuchh mehmaan aaye hain
Aankhon se maanoos the saarey

Chehre saarey sune sunaaye
Paanv dhoye, Haath dhulaye
Aangan mein aasan lagwaaye...
Aur tannoor pe makki ke kuchh mote mote rot pakaye
Potli mein mehmaan mere
Pichhale saalon ki faslon ka gud laaye the

Aankh khuli to dekha ghar mein koi nahin tha
Haath lagakar dekha to tannoor abhi tak bujha nahin tha
Aur hothon pe meethe gud ka jaayka ab tak chipak raha tha

Khwab tha shayad!
Khwab hi hoga! !
Sarhad par kal raat, suna hai, chali thi goli
Sarhad par kal raat, suna hai
Kuchh khwaabon ka khoon hua hai"

The Fall Season

2006-09-21T17:07:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I found my diary, in which I used to keep old labels, bills, or any piece of paper which could have served my memory. As I was going through it, I came across a dry leaf, a darkly orange coloured leaf which was as dry as the memory which it represented...

A few years back I first saw her. She was standing on the bus stop wearing a pair of black jeans and a black denim top and she looked like a pretty innocent girl. I called her up and told her that I have parked my car a little ahead. I saw her coming towards me from the rear-view mirror. As she was just near the door, I opened it for her and a leaf rushed in my car....

It was a sunny afternoon when I received an sms : "Hey where are you? I am standing on the bus stop for an hour now. My balance is very low currently :("

As I had nothing better to do I called the number. A very soft spoken and a sweet voice picked up,

"Hello!"

"As your balance is very low, I though I should call up. I guess you sent your SMS to the wrong number and from your SMS it looks like you are stuck somewhere."

"Yeah so why did you call up?"

"I guess I can help you, alteast I can make your sms reach the right person."

I don't know what magic happened, but as she said that she was stood up by someone and she was waiting at a bus stop, she asked me if I can pick her up and take her somewhere for lunch...

When we were returning from the lunch that day, she looked at the trees and said, when old leaves are falling off, the tree hopes that spring will come soon, but there is a cold winter before that. And then she said, you really saved my day today, I didn't pass through a winter phase.

After that we used to regularly chat on the phone. She was my regular cup of evening tea it seemed. One day on a cold winter evening she called me and announced, " I think I love Dheeraj."

Nah, it wasn't as if I had any feelings for the girl, but to know that she liked someone just saddened me. I did not react to it. My winter had started and her spring! She conveyed to me her happy instances with her new found love and as a nice friend I always heard what she had to say. I was happy as long as she was...

One day I realised that I had some feelings for her, after a lot of thought that is. The very same day she told me she is planning to break up with Dheeraj. It was a mixed reation which I gave. I simply said, "Yes you are too young to commit, you will certainly get a good person in your life.."

The next summer she left for her studies to The States, and by that time I was certain I had no feelings for her then...

After a week had passed, I was sitting in a coffee shop when I got a call from an unknown number...I could just hear her hello and the voice cut out....

Exactly after a year when I had gotten her SMS, I got another one which read: "I am sad, I had a bf here and we juz broke up!"

"I hope I was there. I really luv u, did u know that!"

"Huh! I though it was me who did, you never proposed!"

Aur pfhir purana mausam laauta, yaad bhari purvai bhi...

Flashback - Part III - On the other side of the Road

2006-09-21T15:04:00.000+05:30

Now I remember, what had happened the previous night when I was coming back to home. I had seen a familiar face on the other side of the road and while I was trying to remember who she was, a sudden glare of light made me realise that I was on the road. Even though I was unable to pinpoint who she was, I was curious to find out. Unluckily or luckily, the U-turn was a kilometre ahead. I instantly put the bike on full throttle and in a flash was on the other side of the road. But when I reached the place where my mystery girl was earlier, she was not there. Ah, I was really tired and wanted to go back home, but suddenly a little ahead I saw the same blue dress which she was wearing. Yes, she was climbing a taxi, and wasting no time I had put the motrobike engines into motion....

The day I had gone for my friend's birthday dinner, I had seen a very pretty girl on the table opposite to ours. I was only able to see her profile and her very pretty blue coloured dress. After I was done with my meal, I had gotten a feeling that I know her from somewhere. I had asked my friend that time that if she remembered her....

Before I could reach the taxi, I remembered that the girl on the road was wearing the same dress as the girl at the restaurant the other day. But I was unable to come to the conclusion that if she was the same girl. In the meantime, she had gone ahead in the taxi. As the thought of who she was continuously troubling me, I decided to follow her taxi. I could't believe it that the taxi was running very fast, and it was difficult for me to keep the pursuit going. I tried my level best and finally when I saw I had wasted enough of the petrol, I decided to return back...

Coming to the present, I was still unable to remember where my highlighter was. Even after numerous flashbacks of memory which I got, none of them led to any conclusion. Suddenly, the bell rang and as I opened the door I saw the same blue dress in front of my eyes. And to my horror, the girl was neither of the two girls which I had seen wearing this dress. Even before I could react she handed me my highlighter and said, I guess this is yours...

When I had given up hope of following the girl on the previous night, I had come to the same spot when I had seen the girl on the other side of the road. Before going back home, I had stopped for a one last look. Then I could see a flash of light....

Oh, I remembered who this girl was, and flashes of memory came to me that the flash of light had come two times on the previous night...

Flashback - Part II - The Highlighter

2006-09-20T11:40:00.000+05:30

As I sat down on my bed thinking where the hell can the highlighter be, a sudden thought came to my mind, my room's walls were never blue....

As on the day when I was searching for my highlighter on my desk, I had come across a piece of paper. It was a bill, the name mentioned on it was illegible. I was horrified to see it was of Rs. 1000 and when I observed closely it was billed in my name. On top of it there was a stamp mentioning paid on it!! Oh god, when did I pay for this and what was it that I paid for? Suddenly I checked my bank account and it showed an ATM withdrawl of Rs. 1000 for the previous night....

The night previous to the one when I was searching for my highlighter was fun, it was one of my friend's birthday and we had a nice sumptuous meal at a little-towards-expensive-side restaurant and when my friend asked me that if I had some cash, as she was short by some, I was horrified to see that my wallet was empty. Although another friend completed the sum, I went straight to the ATM and filled my wallet by Rs. 1000.

Ahh, that is why I took out the thousand bucks! I checked my wallet and found the thousand bucks intact. But then I realised why was my wallet empty the last night?....

On the previous evening when I was working on my desk, my friend had called and confirmed our treat and she had asked me to pick her at 8. I had looked at watch and watch showed 6pm. Then I was reading a technical document and I was highlighting the important points when I got another call. A person with a bill for me was waiting downstairs at the reception. Ah yes that was the painting bill. I had emptied my pocket in front of him and had paid him off and had brought the bill receipt with me. When I had reached my desk, my colleague had asked me to go to the rooftop for some fresh air. I had hurriedly put the bill under the documents I was reading, and then I remembered my highlighter had fallen off and I had thought I would pick it up later....

With this realisation I had seen under my desk, and there it was, my highlighter! I had picked it up and had flipped it inside my bag. When I was on my bike, going towards my house, I had seen a familiar face on the other side of the road...

Coming back to the morning when I was startled by my wall colours, I remembered, that I had gotten my walls painted, and I had never realised the new colour as I used to come back to the house late at night, and would go out early. Some things are so blatantly in front of us the one doesn't notice it. That explains the wall, but yesterday night I had found the highlighter, but it wasn't there today....

Flashback - Part I

2006-09-19T16:59:00.000+05:30

As I was waking up this morning, I saw that I wasn't able to find my slippers, which are generally placed besides my bed. In a state of major laziness I began to search for them. I generally work in a serial order in the morning, I wouldn't be able to do anything else until and unless I find my slippers :(.

Last night as I was leaving for home, I had collected all my things on the desk and put them in my drawer. I always take the highlighter from my table in the end and keep it in my bag, but yesterday it was missing. As the serial order thing still works, I wasn't able to take the next step, ie. to go home, for quite a long time :(.

A few days ago on a Sunday, my roomate had asked me if he could borrow my slippers to go to the local market nearby. I absent-mindedly had agreed to it...

Yesterday morning, my roomate went for his official trip. We both came out of our house at the same time, I went to the office and he headed towards the airport....

Coming back to today when I was searching for the slippers, I was trying to remember how they looked like and I suddenly had a flash: my slippers were white in colour, then why the hell was I searching for the blue ones?

On the Sunday, when my roomate had returned from the local market, he had informed me that he had by mistake broken my slippers, and he had told me that I could use his for the time being...

Ahh, that is it, I was wearing my roomate's slippers for some time now, and as he had gone away for the trip, he had taken them along. I thus struck the slippers finding "to do" off my mental list and headed for my daily chores. When I was leaving for my office, all dressed up, I had a last check of my bag and to my horror I found my highlighter was missing....

Go Bang Bang Bangalore

2006-09-19T12:49:00.000+05:30

Only yesterday I got my motorbike delivered from Delhi to Bangalore. Living in Bangalore has been different than the eventful college life of Delhi. More than the lifestyle which has changed due to working in a job, Bangalore itself has made me look at things differently.

One can see a stark contrast in the traffic conditions and driving sense here from Delhi's standards. Anyways, I was informed that one gets a month's time to pay the road tax to be able to drive in Bangalore on a Delhi licence plate. So enjoying the pleasent weather, off I go on my bike riding along the wind. Suddenly a thulla (traffic policeman), notices my Delhi number plate and his eyes sparkle and he instructs me to stop and park the bike on the side. I respectfully oblige and he asks me if I have all the papers in order. I answered everything except the tax which for which I have a month's time. As expected, he was not interested in seeing my delivery receipt but he wanted a bribr ofcourse (for no reason whatsoever).

Anyways I was a more lucky north-indian than others here, I took out my mobile phone and told the guy am calling my uncle, who is a top police officer here.

His instant reaction was, "You should have told me that you have a month left to pay the tax!"

Ironically, those were my exact words which I had told him, which fell deaf to his ears as long as he saw a poor north indian guy with a Delhi licence plate.

This is just one of the things which happen around here. One just has to go on and on and on through the torture (to put it lightly) in the city called Bangalore.

Ah, I suddenly remember how the landlords, the rickshawallahs, and many more target north indians with just one motive - to fleece.

Vitamin "I" - Part One

2006-09-12T11:07:00.000+05:30

George, as everybody called him, was always seen at the tea shop at the corner. Other than tea, the tea-shop was famous for their delectable preparation of Aloo Parantha. Most of the suave executives from the financial firm behind the shop came to it for having a delightful smoke with an Adrak ki chai, and if someone had a minuscule hint of hunger, George would bring in the bowl of Nimbu ka Acchar and very politely ask, "Sir, Aloo Parantha ready hai!" His endearing smile thereafter left no choice to the executives but to order it.

The service was prompt, 10 - 15 people were kept satisfied at any given time. Executives really adored George's preparation as well his ability to keep his customers happy. Even the most senior guy at the firm was his Parantha fan.

One day, a new hire at the office, Shekar, came out of his first meeting. A young guy in his early 20s had never been insulted by his superior ever in his life, even though the work he did was near perfect. He came out of the meeting, totally dispirited and barked, "That guy's a jerk, why doesn't he keep god as his analyst!" Shekar's mentor responded very calmly and asked him to take a walk with him. They walked through the ramps and reached the gate of their office.

"Do you smoke Shekar?"

"No Rajeev, I never do, I let the cigarette smoke me!"

"Good boy, you can laugh at yourself, then why the hell did you lose the cool in front of your boss?"

"Ah, actually you are right, seniors do tend to take out the best from their juniors, but that guy was more than unreason...", he was cut short by the appearance of George with two steaming hot Paranthas. He's so damn fast, was his first thought.

"You didn't even had the slightest idea that this young man can be that fast? Boy, always look for the number 1."

"But he wants me to get something out of nothing! Isn't that impossible?"

"No Shekar, if you want to get something out of nothing, you have to do nothing for something!"

Shekar obviously didn't get what Rajeev was saying at that time. Soon he was over with his Parantha and was wanting for more, when Rajeev stopped him by mentioning his next deadline. Shekar, impressed by George, gave him a laudatory tip for his service.

"Now Rajeev, don't tell me this is how you get something for nothing!" They both had a hearty laugh and then they moved on towards the office. Shekar soon became a regular customer at George's, and then one day he saw George doing some accounts for his shop.

"What happened?"

"Nothin, sir, me just tryin to go for high profit", George said as best as he could.

"You know George, one day when you shop becomes good, I will be happy to work as your financial advisor!"

George and Shekar had a light laugh after that and they both went on with their works. Another day with his Charminar in his hand, Shekar reached George's and George was in a mood to tell a story.

George said "Sir, do you know how I started this shop?" Shekar was initially shocked by the way he spoke, in a refined accent. He was spellbound and couldn't speak.

"One day I gained some Vitamin I and from there on I came down to this shop," George continued. "I used to work in the financial firm in the opposite building, just like you. One day I scolded my junior very harshly. He in turn gave me an insight, in finance you work with numbers, you mend numbers. Go and work with real money and you'll know how tough it is to get something out of nothing. That day I decided to work here in a tea stall. I have gained what I call as Vitamin "I" here."

"Moreover, I know what is happening in your firm, we beat you in all your deals, and have learnt the lesson of life, how to get something for nothing."

Shekar couldn't come out of this shock and it literally looked that day that his smoke was smoking him and not the other way around.

"You are a very sly person!" shouted Shekar. And then he walked away without paying George. He ran up to Rajeev's room and shouted, "Rajeeeev, that George is a ..."

"SShhhhh", said Rajeev. "Oh he told you the same story too? That George is a hell of a naughty boy, he scares the hell out of you, doesn't he?"

Shekar fell down on the Sofa.

end of part one

The Morning After

2006-09-12T09:47:00.000+05:30

It is always a different feeling on the morning after. Be it the morning after a successful job interview, after a promotion, after a lovely date, after one's graduation, after first marriage night, after a jetlag and any other morning after you think you have achieved a lot. The feeling is fresh no doubt, but it is actually the period of slope from a high. Almost like a dream has come true and has gotten over.

A few people get a sense of completion and a build-up ego after such major events. While many feel a happy emptiness. Strangely people can turn from being very happy to being very low. People often tend to become very lazy regarding other goals in life after this.

The most interesting moments in a Roulette game are those 30 seconds when the wheel is still spinning. After that it is either a joyful relief or a sad dissapointment. In roulette, you bet on other numbers the next time. But after a big win someone might say, "Don't be too greedy, take home the winnings". But life is not a series of Roulette games. Any achievement should not lead to stillness. Life is a walking pet of yours, it cannot be pulled back by the lead and stoppped at one place. Once you try and do that, you will get pulled ahead by it in a very wild direction. So don't let life lead you, lead your life.

No happiness in permanent, neither is sadness, it is the conitnuously going from one phase to another which is called life. One has to be at the ground to experience a high. The people who can continuously set goals for themselvess and move on, they tend to become high on life. For them all mornings will be like "the morning after".

9/11

2006-09-11T10:25:00.000+05:30

9/11 is a very famous number, well one can say infamous! The hot-dial 911 on any American phone is a symbol of security, hope in the times of despair and it was synonymous with God in the time of fear. Ironically, it is the most feared number in America now. 9/11, yes September the 11th, a pleasent Tuesday morning in the middle-aged USA, was that dreadful day. It could be said that it was the birth of a fear unknown to the West. The same fear which is present in every living individual in the Third World.

It was the challenge of the Middle East to the West. They say it was an uprising to extinguish the barbaric control of the World by the West. The American opression of the world had a challenge. This was when undoubtedly America was the most superior nation of the World. In similar situation in the Imperialistic World, the British had had the same barabaric effect in their colonies. America was challenged in 2001, but the British in 1906, on the same day, 9/11.

It was in Sotuh Africa that many Indians led by Mahatma Gandhi gathered to voice thier outrage against the British oppression. Yes on the same date, September 11, 2006, Satyagraha was born, Gandhiji as a force was born! It was that passive aggresive approach of civil disobedience and non-cooperation which crippled the incumbent at that time. A force doesn't work, if the mass is not with the force. This is a simple scientific explanation to the theory of Satyagraha and Mahatma Gandhi indeed showed it that it works. On the other hand the 'oppressed' middle east has a violent approach to non - cooperation. A harsh disobedience to say the least!

So the time has indeed changed a lot since 1906 to 2001? 95 years on and people have forgotten the right way to fight? History needs to repeat itself, otherwise people often forget the mistakes. Glories make up legends, mistakes end up in trash! I guess the purpose of history was to learn from the mistakes, not to commit more brutal mistakes!

Life is too short to learn, thus it is our duty to teach the next generation as soon as possible, otherwise it might be too late. It might happen that one doesn't remember the original importance of 9/11 and what the day stands for.

Sports Night

2006-08-06T19:17:00.000+05:30

I certainly love working, when work is fun. And I seriously don't know when working can be fun! Its all about the enthusiasiasm and the drive, the pleasure and the pain, the distress and the hope, work is in so many varied things. I work for a passionate enthusiasm that brings pleasure to someone, hopes to many and that is all, what does work give me?

I simple recommend that each one of you, who hasn't yet achieved the answer to this question, go and watch a classic 2 - season teleseries called 'Sports Night'. Buy a DVD if you don't find it on TV.

In due time there will be special blogs by me on this fantastically thought provoking comedy which will certainely raise your level of desire to go and watch this.

So stick around.

I am the Architect

2006-08-06T18:56:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I get an epiphany that really I am the Architect (refer Matrix trilogy) if this world is the Matrix. This isn't a feeling of godliness, no it isn't! Rather it is the phase when I believe that I can control, certainely the things which are important to me. So in a way everyone is an architect of one's own Matrix. And no matter what the Oracle says, one end's up where the Architect wants. In a simple way it can be said that yes I am my own Architect, but I don't know on what bricks I am building my future.

So even If I am designing my own future, there are always people like masons and engineers, materials like bricks and cement which actually shape the strength of it. In this process of building I will come across people whom I have to initially trust, and if it happens that my house falls down, or doesn't look as pretty as I thought it would, I would have to change my level of trusts amongst my various colleagues. So its okay to be once bitten, but its excellent that you kill the beast next time.

But then I think there are other people who do not want to take the pain to be their own Architects, and they never like the things other people build for them. They are the mentally lazy beings who have a singular job to crib. But it is not their fault, a hired Architect wont have the same personal touch that one can have on his own.

Then there is nothing which can stop me to be my own Architect if I want to. Besides, well, a revolution, because a revolution always brings down some houses, how strong they might have been built. Right, then you have to be plain lucky to survive. You have to miss the lightning.

Lightning never strikes the same place twice, but the light is always engraved in the minds of the people who see the strike.

The Cup is on

2006-06-19T12:41:00.000+05:30

The World Cup is on, most of us know that it is. Right the Soccer World Cup, the game that Indians hardly play. Although there are passionate souls in India who have hots for this sport. There are some who are real soccer fans, some sports fan who just watch it as any other sport and some who watch it for money - yes the media.

But I, watch it for the competition, in the end its all about numbers, its all about finishes, its all about fulfilled goals; but what lies behind is an incomprehensible passion of the souls who measure lengths of large stadiums just to be able to fulfill the goal. By goal I don't mean the ball put in a net, but the pride of the team for which a player play's for. It is a delight to watch when there are players with skills who just magnetize the ball to their bodies, the ones with speed who are ahead of the remaining, there are ones with resistance who act as a dam to the stream of attackers, there are ones with agility who just jump in without caring about their injuries just to reach for their precious - the football and then there are ones who test the other's patience by their foul play. Trust me I guess foul play is part of the game, as I told you it is all to play for on the field. Interestingly players also have to play over the referee's mind so that the foul play continues.

Actually, the football wouldn't be anywhere without the foul play. We enjoy when there is a challenging tackle, if it gets fouled, then we enjoy the booking too; now if it doesn't get caught we enjoy the frustration of the side losing out and the test of their patience. So its always a mind game which is involved in this rough and atheletic sport.

In the end the players do enjoy playing it, it is a sight to watch, it is a dream to many and just another thing on TV right now, yes the Cup is on - so watch it.

Life is just a dream....

2006-04-10T03:00:00.000+05:30

It is a small point I would like to make, but will make it with surely a little longer story. Yes, this is the story of a young man named Ramaiah!

A small introduction to Ramaiah's life uptil now... Ramaiah was born and brought up in the colourful city of Jodhpur. His father was a cobbler and he had an emporium of traditional Rajasthani footwear at the main market. So Ramaiah belonged to a socially backward, but still an economically well-off background. Cut to the present and Ramaiah has achieved what he dreamt off.... Yes, he has became a normal indian male, married to a wife of his caste and economic status, he has carried on his father's footsteps and has become the manager of the emporium. What else can a person want from his life, than to achieve what he dreamt off.

But why this mundane and simple dream.. Because not everyone knows that Ramaiah was a very practical person and had dreamt of doing simple things in life which draws no debate, no retaliation, no fame nor any defamation. He was a no-risk gambler, and he played roulette with betting on all numbers...

So just a small character tale and I come back to where I started, for Ramaiah life was just a dream. Now what I mean may not be clear to everyone of you. By life I mean dynamism, change, events always happening, challenges, survival ( thats what Darwin said), anything that deserves an adjective.. That is life... So for Ramaiah such sort of a life was just a dream, in a sense that it cannot be achieved.

So what is the real meaning of this statement? What happens to them who lose it all and realise their dreams? Most of them end up in a state where they think in the end, it didn't even matter. They long for a simple, no frills life, where they would have be happy each day of their life, just by the thought that they are alive. For them simple pleasures is just a dream.. That kind of life is just a dream..

I can generally put people in the two above said categories, Ramaiahsss and those Ramaiah could have become if he would have taken risks. But then I think there is a third kind.

The third kind are those who set landmarks, draw the lines, they risk it all to reach there, they touch the finish line and run back, they cut the throat only to do a succesful surgery, they are dynamic in their life and are simply happy individuals...

For them the life, now I mean the life they are living, is just a dream, not for them, but for those who envy them...

No one can become the third kind, atleast not perfectly, after all even perfection is just a dream.. Therefore perfection and life are so close, yet tooo far, just remains a thin line between dream and reality.

Say no to Utopia!!!!

2005-12-06T10:19:00.000+05:30

How about an utopia? Yes, how about it? Does anyone remember it? It seems no one even dreams of it nowadays. I think its blasphemous in the context of the modern world. But be it today's or the world gone by, Utopia is just a ridiculous proposition. It would be like what Vivekananda described the perfect man and his world to be. Therfore would be and end of human evolution and I think every human being will attribute his life as more unworhty than ever before one would have.

Let's take a scenario in Utopia world, in let's say right here, in India.

( Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is coincidental as I got this name out of nowhere. )

The hero of my story is called Adish Misra. So Adish goes to college which is ranked one ( every college is ranked one in Utopia ). He is taught a course let us say AB101 by Dr. Guru Dutt ( Guru seems an apt name for a Prof. ), who is the best teacher for AB101 in the world ( again Utopia! ). So Adish is a diligent student, ( everyone is ), he gets straight As during his semester ( everyone does! ).

Now lets perturb this system, yes I'm being wicked, but I was bored of this Utopia thing, so let's perturb it. In a freak accident, during one of the examinations of AB101 Adish looks as if he's staring at the answer sheet of the person ahead of him. Dr. Guru being a very strict person, decides to suspend him and fail him in the course. The director of the institute, Dr. Nirdeshak decribing this incident as a case of gross indiscipline, fails Adish in each course of the semester.

Adish being a believer in truth thinks of his teachers as sinister creatures. So here begins the feeling of hatred, anger.... We are no longer in Utopia now....

Clearly Utopia is not a stable state. It can never be. A little bit of Utopia, like rules, compulsions etc., they all are the factors causing instability.

I'm not for the rules! Not for discipline! Not for religion!
I'm for Human!

Coffee - Oh o o Sweetest drink!

2005-11-17T18:07:00.000+05:30

Jagao jagao, nescafe pilao! Anything which can wake one up on a cold and dull morning is the distinct aroma of the coveted beans which we call coffee. The beans leave a subliminal impression on the striated layers of our grey cells. Each cell is woken up suddenly by the coffee touching our taste buds, and then we realize that it wasn't just a verisimilar tale that we were in, but its the reality which is stranger than fiction. Yes the dream has gone, but who knows our life is a dream, waking up in the morning might be a dream for a person sleeping in the night. Drinking the coffee might be popping the sleeping pill for the night for a person in dream.

Something is in the air

2005-11-17T14:26:00.000+05:30

There's always something in the air.... Most of the 'thing' is although not visible to the human eye. This is the reason why people have no idea when the 'thing' which is in the air is in the air.

But this season, when a shot of cognac is more than necessary if one has to move out in the late nights. Talking about late nights I observe people involved in some activity in the capmus. Its true many of them are supposedly studying for the Majors, the other people are just getting into the mood.

Some people are happy to just say that life is unfair that exams have come. Suddenly? Eh? All this long life was so fair when they were bunking classes. :) I also think the same way.