My Comfortably Numb Moment - Episode 8

She made plans to visit me the next week, after which she would leave India. All the times I had with her came back to me, especially the time before she finally went away. Those were the days when I had not known what being in a relationship meant. Those memories were both lively and refreshing and borught an instant smile to my face whenever they came across. For the rest of the week we hardly talked as she became busy in her cousin's wedding ceremony. I, on the other hand, was back to doing my work normally, nor too much and nor less than expected. My friends told me that I should be happy, considering she is alive and life is back to normal. On top of it I was going to have a fantastic week ahead.

I felt I was seeing everything optimistically. Therefore it came to my mind that that maybe this is because I was happy. Work was going at the optimal pace and everything was so smooth. It was a quiet boat ride on a dead river it seemed. It took me a long time to realise it that, I was very artificially happy and was actually comfortably numb.

There were other changes in me, which I found very suprising. For example, I was asked by a girl whom I met at a party the other day if I was single. And I said yes, and I didn't realised what I had said until she called. I picked up the cellphone and said, "Yes dear, will come to pick you up at the airport." Later the girl asked me if it was my sister on the phone and again absent-mindedly I said, "No it was my girlfriend." Surely I ahd to excuse myself and leave the party early. I came home and listened to Pink Floyd for over six hours until I fell asleep.

I wondered what was happening to me, had I become devoid of emotions? Did life suck me off my moods? Or was it just that I was having a long-distance relationship with my sweetheart-cum-girlfriend, who had played a practical joke on me recently and we were having a very formal relationship for many weeks now.

Life is unfair, is what people say. It is sometimes. But one has to understand that a person is either sad because one cannot achieve the happiness or is happy because sadness evades us. At other times when you are not given any reason to be sad, and the reason for you to become happy has altered, no longer giving the same gladness as you desire, you are numb. In my case, I was comfortably numb.

I know what I had to do as soon as I realised it. I called up the last dialled number on my list.
"Listen dear, we have to break-up, I don't think I can continue in this relationship anymore, I know it is really disgracing that I have to do this over the phone, but I had no option. And it is also demeaning that I am doing it over the answering machine, because I want you to get this message as soon as possible so that you could cancel your ticket on time. Take care. Luv...